Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
