I'm going to rape someone's good day.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
