Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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