i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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