maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
