i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
