I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
