Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
