There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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