Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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