woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
