it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize