Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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