I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
