Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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