I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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