I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
