Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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