She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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