I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is it because I queefed?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
