JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
