I wanna bring you to show and tell
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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