I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
