booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My bed smells like the plague
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
