I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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