Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
