Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
