if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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