Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
