u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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