Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
