Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
