the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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