I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
