That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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