1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
