Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
