Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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