I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
