oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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