if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
