ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
