She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
