fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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