Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wanna passion pit in your ass
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
