Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize