Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
