I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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