my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
