Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize