I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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