Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
