I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
