I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My vagina is officially offended.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
