When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
