At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
