I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
