I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
