I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
