I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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