i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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