i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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