i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
this hospital has no fireball
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
where are my eyebrows?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize