Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize