he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
