Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize