I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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