onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
