I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize