We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
