Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
