No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
